Who Holds Space for the People Who Hold Space?

What do coaches and retreat facilitators do for continuing education?

Apparently, we go on retreats.

I was shown at the fall Luxury in Business Retreats Retreat (ha!), with Alison and Erin and an extraordinary group of people, that investing in my own professional development isn’t a nice-to-have. It is part of doing this work well.

Sure, there was wine.

And cheese.

And wine.

Oh, and cheese.

And perhaps some more wine.

Sue me. One does not go to the Sancerre region of France and not learn about — and enjoy — the wine and cheese.

But the real gift of the experience had very little to do with either.

It was the gift of being held.

When you are in community with people who understand your journey, something shifts.

These are people who see your commitment to making a difference in the world. They understand the joy, uncertainty, responsibility, and sometimes loneliness that can come with building work you deeply believe in.

They see you.

They hear you.

They honor your work and your experience.

And, wonderfully, they are often as committed to your success as you are.

Well, heck. I even wrote about this very thing after my own SHINE! retreat — about the magic that happens when people come together in intentional community.

This time, I got to experience it from the other side.

Alison and Erin, along with their wonderful team—Matt, Alain, Aleks, and others—did for me what I work hard to do for the people I serve.

They held space.

Space for me to be myself.

Space to explore my business and my purpose.

Space to think expansively, without having to manage the details around me.

And, perhaps most importantly, space to simply be.

Participants in my own retreats have told me how surprising it is to realize what a relief it can be to not have to think about what comes next.

Meals appear.

The agenda has already been thoughtfully designed.

Someone else is watching the clock.

Someone else knows where you need to be.

For once, you are not the person making the decisions.

There is something remarkably freeing about that.

In that quieter space—when you are not deciding, organizing, facilitating, anticipating, or being responsible for everyone else—your mind has room to wander.

And that is often where the magic happens.

For me, that space created room to see MLChoate and Elate differently. Not as two separate pieces of my professional life, but as integrated parts of the work I am called to do.

I could see more clearly how my work moves between the business and the human and back again.  Leadership development, emotional intelligence, organizational work, retreats, self-leadership, reflection, compassion — these are not separate lanes.

They are part of the same road.

While there I also gave myself permission to pursue this work with even more purpose, passion, and conviction. 

That permission mattered.  Because I take my work seriously. Very seriously.

Bomb-squad seriously.

There is an intensity to the way I prepare: deep focus, great respect for the process, attention to every detail, constant awareness of the responsibility that comes with creating meaningful experiences for other people.

That intensity serves me well.

Until it doesn’t.

Because creativity and expansiveness do not always flourish in a space of intense focus.

Sometimes we need enough distance to see both the forest and the trees.

This retreat gave me some of that distance.

It reminded me that professional development is not always about gaining another tool, certification, framework, or set of skills.

Sometimes professional development is making room to think.

To reconnect with purpose.

To be challenged by people you respect.

To laugh.

To eat excellent cheese.

To have meaningful conversations over a glass of wine.

To be cared for instead of always being the one doing the caring.

And to spend time with people who help you see what might be possible before you can fully see it yourself.

That is learning, too.

Maybe some of the most important learning.

Merci pour tout. Thank you, Alison, Erin, and the entire community, for creating and holding that space for me.

And to my new friends from around the world: I look forward to the encouragement, accountability, laughter, wisdom, and friendship that will help all of us bring more of our visions to life.

Because even the people who hold space for others need someone, every once in a while, to hold space for them.